I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
