YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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