the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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