so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
