So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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