I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
