bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
