She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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