Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
