I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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