Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
