Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
