I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
