he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
