guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
