his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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