I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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