rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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