3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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