ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this boner is exhausting
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
