google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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