she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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