were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My ATM looks so different sober.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize