I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
