He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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