Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
