I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
