we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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