I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
