I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
