omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize