Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
