STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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