In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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