Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
