If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
