how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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