It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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