Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
