if you like me you must not know who I am
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
