My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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