Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
