i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
