i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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