I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
