ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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