my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize