last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
bring money and cleavage
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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