is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
