I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
NoShamevember. You game?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
