If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
