and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
