Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this boner is exhausting
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize