We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
