Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
