you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
