you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
