The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
