If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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