I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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