She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
