so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
