Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
